a dish called LOVE

Written @ 4:42 AM

i am feeling very confused right now... so so confused that i couldn't sleep at all... there are so many things that i want to say but yet i don't know where to start from... i really wish that i could express myself right now and put down this big and heavy stone off my shoulder...

things have not been going well at all ever since grand mom mom fell down... on that day when she fell down i wasn't there to help her and when i saw her she had bruises on her face and a fractured arm. all she could do was lying on the bed and could barely walk around like she used to be... it really breaks my heart so much upon seeing her in this state. it felt so helpless and yet i know i couldn't cry in front of her. all this while i have failed to realise how much she have aged. few days ago, grand mom mom fell down again. not once by thrice in the midnight. i was the first to rush to grand mom and helped her when she fell for the first time but i wasn't there for the second and the third... nobody even knew grand mom mom fell again... maid didn't informed us immediately at all.. if only i stayed up awake a little while more longer, grand mom mom could not have fell for the third time already... and now grand mom mom was hospitalised and had her hip bone fractured and a blood clot in the brain. i just wanna be grand mom mom's good grand children and stay home look after di di so grand mom mom could recuperate fast...

apart from this, just what exactly is love all about? the love i thought should be turns out to be not what i'm expecting at all as times goes by. is love all about possession? all this while i have neglected so many things..., i swear. i just wanna make up to it... my family, my friends, my studies and myself... i just wanna be myself and not being some one which people want me to be... i wanna live life to the fullest without regrets... but that wasn't all......... sighs...